Feliz Cumpleanos/Happy Bday!

This is Jackie.

She stole the title of only-child from me seventeen years ago today. At the time, I was totally devastated. No little sisters here, please!! I was doing just fine with two doting parents all to myself, and as soon as said parents brought Jackie home, I immediately demanded to know when the little cretin was going back wherever it was she came from. Their answer - "Never." - didn't particularly satisfy my two-year-old self. That was the first -- but certainly not the last -- time my sister proved herself to be completely annoying.

Let's talk about some other annoying things about Jackie:

Jackie has no respect for my space, privacy, or property. She would waltz into my room and throw herself on my bed whenever the mood struck her. And then she actually took over my room, which is even worse. She also has a flat stomach, which is totally unacceptable. She has a 'q' in her name, which is extremely exotic. In fact, over all, she probably got the better name. And long, thick, hair, perfect for messy buns. I really can't do messy buns. 

When Jackie gets mad at you, she goes silent. It's a total boycott. She Just. Does. Not. Speak. To. You. EVER. It's basically the worst thing ever, because when I get mad, I'm the total opposite. It drives me completely insane. She does this intentionally, and I know it...

She got the better car too, which is just not cool. Same model, but hers has leather interior and heated seats, among other fabulous things. 


Speaking of fabulous, Jackie got the blond hair and the bubbly personality to go along with it. You really just can't help but like her, no matter how annoying she is at times. She also has this innate style and sense of fashion that utterly escapes me. Oh, and never tell her you want to know her "honest opinion" on anything you're wearing, because she's a little too honest, if you ask me. I really don't think younger sisters should be so patronizing...

But she kind of became my best friend my senior year (her freshman year) of high school. Which is something everyone told us would happen, and I always swore wouldn't. But I'm okay with that because even though she is still annoying (read: still my younger sister), Jackie is possibly the most annoyingly fabulous person I've ever met. 

Hey, Jackie? I'm really sorry I guilted you into giving me the bigger half of everything when we were little. And for dumping that liter of soda over your blond bob at Wild Waves. And for asking Mom and Dad to return you to the hospital, because I'm really glad they didn't.  

One more thing about Jackie. She has this weird habit of inserting random phrases of Spanish -- a language she doesn't actually speak fluently -- into every day conversation. I have no idea where that came from, but Feliz Cumpleanos, Jaque!!

And Happy 17th Bday, Jacquelyn!!

(You know what I'm sayin', girlfy...)